The Scent Of A Human: Eau De Schwinn?

The Gray Lady wonders this morning if New York can truly (re)vert — or reinvent — itself into Neue Amsterdam via bikes. Her focus du jour is the Dutch “It” bicycle , and the question is that of how to look delicious(ly continental) while doing so.

It suggests looking like the guy pictured here… in which case I heartily approve.

However, trembling under those textiles is the unSPOKEn (10 point pun, don’t you agree?)dialogue in this aestheticised vision of a psuedoeuropean paean to fashion a la bicyclette: that is, that bicycling leaves one… shall we say… moist?

The “>LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) standards from the USGBC (United States Green Building Council) — the official granter of “green” status to all things architecture and design — award points to both commercial and residential with bicycle parking facilities. So too does its pragmatism include SHOWERS in these aforementioned parking facilities, so as to allow one’s workers to… freshen up… before a day in the office.

But few of our offices have such amenities, and not everyone is going to stop at the gym before work. Besides, let’s be honest — many who bike do so for both environmental as well as financial reasons, not to mention to forego the sterile hamsterwheel-meets-club-con-meatmarket environment of many such facilities.

Which leaves us — even if we are riding lovely $1000 bikes and are nattily dressed — a little, well, RIPE. Remember all the things one hears about Europeans? In addition to fashion and food, there is also: unshaven women! wantonness! bidets! Yes folks, the Europeans [stage whisper]: touch themselves in that private place.  Every day.  To WASH. Which means a whole slew of things involving accepting dirt, sweat, autosexuality, the human production of juices and so forth and so on.

The real question to pose is: are we ready for the sweaty, higher libidoed, pungent masses? For it’s not something that turns me off — or most Continentals I’ve met, for that matter (don’t forget the wantonness!) but its something we at least keep the illusion of keeping out of the offices, schools, and other fine establishments. Restaurants, your patrons may comingle with your tantalizing aromas not only in their eau d’homme et femme avec cologne et parfum, but so too with eau de… homme et femme. Eau de NOUS. The smell… of US. And we may find that after dinner we want to… take someone home for dessert.

Walter Benjamin, writing in Paris in the 1930’s, queried:
“Who still knows, nowadays, where it was that in the last decade of the previous century women would offer to men their most seductive aspect, the most intimate promise of their figure? In the asphalted indoor arenas where people learned to ride bicycles. The women as cyclist competes with the cabaret singer for the place of honor on posters, and gives to fashion its most daring line.”

For Benjamin, and many of his contemporaries, the image of the fairer sex astride a bicycle was akin to the switch from sidesaddles to that same, er, mounted position in equestrian riding — a not only novel but radical, sexual one. And irregardless of which gender you might admire, there is a notably erotic element in the rosy cheek and heaving lung of the cyclist: when paired with a natty get up (for which Paris then as now was never lacking) the effect is nothing short of arousing.

The mood on the street as these two-wheeled darlings of athleticism and aesthetic aplomb change the pattern of our walking, the speed of our gaze, the rhythm of our breath and theirs — is undeniably HUMAN. They alter the staid concrete and breathe life into our humdrum hours — for there, amongst the mechanical carriages and caverns of steel and glass they move, darting in and out like sparrows, foxes teasing through the hunts’ hooves. And so begins a fissure in the financially-fashioned fabric of America.

When one visits Europe one can’t quite put a finger on what tickles the nose, the skin, what rides in the air of the cities there — is it to bold to suggest this invisible energy is directly linked to the long time tradition of the streets filled with bicycles? To put it shortly — yes. There is an unspoken, unmapped humanity that is exuded from masses of persons who are in very fact “auto-mobile”: a populism, a hint of revolution, an acceptance and demonstration of willed physical exertion. The biker says without a word: in my calves lies the power. Independence of movement releases one from the grid, from the preordained paths, from the nodes of mass transit and the standardized mapping of Place — and so too does the fabric of “knowledge” (what we know and how we know it) further unravel.

The question, then,  is not only what to wear to the Ball of Ourselves, but, are we ready for the party?

By L DeSilva-Johnson (via BrooWaha New York and her personal blog)

Ever since the Euro 2008 started at the beginning of June, there is no escaping it. Germans love soccer, and only soccer. That might seem strange to Americans used to baseball, basketball, football, tennis, ice hockey, and about twenty other more or less popular sports. Over here, soccer beats them all. Just to get an idea, TV ratings for the tournament’s games are at about 80 percent, numbers that amaze even the organizers. It can’t get much higher than that!

Host countries Austria and Switzerland have shown good hospitality in leaving the top spots to the others. They have not made it past the group round, but considering that many were surprised they even had professional soccer teams, this is quite an achievement in itself. Actually, Austria has never even qualified for a european championship until they hosted it themselves.

More surprisingly, some of the odds-on favourites like the Netherlands, Italy, or France, have also been kicked out already. This just goes to show that in soccer, you never know what will happen. Now, four teams remain in the game.

The Last Four

Germany: grand soccer nation, in which Michael Ballack’s goal and Thorsten Frings’ broken rib have been the foremost topic of conversation ever since the Euro started. Well, admittedly, ever since the German team got back to their usual (meaning competitive and fast) shape after some rather messy group games. This leads right to their next opponent.

Turkey has never won a Euro cup, which means they’re even more hungry for it. This team has been the scare of the big ones at this tournament, and with their notorious ability to turn a seemingly lost game around at the last minute playing Turkey promises to be a passionate game. Even though they are plagued by a loss of players due to injuries and suspenion, they’re not to be underestimated.

Russia: yeah I didn’t know they played in the Euro tournament either. It seems to be one of this year’s relevations that those countries that are only on European soil with a little part of their total area have become real competitors to those European nations traditionally at the top. The Russian team beat one of the set favourites Netherlands with their running skills and fast passes.

This leads to our last semi-finalist, Spain. They won their last European championship title in 1964, and are ready to go for it again. Some fans are reportedly going as far as vowing to shave their heads, should their “selección“ indeed win. And speaking of fans, the Spanish team guarantees for avid female supporters – something to look forward to camera turns showing the crowd at the stadiums.

The Twelfth Man

This is how the fans are called, and it shows how important the support and atmosphere are in this game. Just think back to the world cup in 2006, hosted by Germany, in which the German team rode on a wave of euphoria right to the semi-finals, in which they lost to the later champion Italy.

Literally everyone will be watching the Germany-Turkey game tonight. In addition to cafés, bars, and your best friend’s living room, there are huge screens set up publicly, which are expected to draw crowds of up to half a million (in case of the Berlin fan area in front of the Brandenburg Gate). But tonite’s game isn’t just special for German fans, but also for the large Turkish minority living in the country. Both groups will enthusiastically support their team.

The fans are also known to engage in spontaneus mass celebrations when their team wins, leading to blocked roads full of people waving flags, screaming, and singing. Soccer is probably the only instance in which Germans blatantly express national pride and where flag waving is considered appropriate.

Caution Recommended

This leads the American embassy to caution tourists to „avoid the areas of demonstrations (=celebrations) if possible, and to exercise caution if within the vicinity of any demonstrations.“ They even encourage Americans in Germany to register with the American embassy, something usually done in case of emerging civil war or other instances of disaster.

Tapmag recommends having a good German beer while watching the game, and not provoking the fans of either team with sassy commentaries afterwards. While we make no assertion on your safety, this should guarantee for a good time. And remember the old soccer saying:

it’s not over ’til it’s over.

Semi-finals
Germany-Turkey, tonight, Wednesday, June 25, at 8.45 pm CET
Russia-Spain, Thursday, June 26, at 8.45 pm CET

PS: in case you want to register with the US Embassy, head to travelregistration.state.gov/

Athletes that want to demonstrate their awareness and disapproval of China’s human rights policies, or its actions in Tibet and Sudan, are on a difficult stand. The Olympic Charter holds that

“no kind of demonstration or political, religious or racial propaganda is permitted in any Olympic sites,venues or other areas.” (Article 51.3).

And if you thought wearing a towel with a Tibetian flag printed on it would not fall under this rule, read on:

“No form of publicity or propaganda, commercial or otherwise,may appear on persons, on sportswear, accessories or (…) on any article of clothing or equipment whatsoever worn or used by the athletes or other participants in the Olympic Games.”

Violation of this rule will lead to an athlete being banned from the Olympic Games. The athletes feel this would punish those that have trained and worked very hard to compete at the Olympics for a political failure. How can the dilemma be solved?

The secret lies within small wristbands similar to those of Lance Armstrong’s “Live Strong” foundation. Only that these ones are blue and green, and bear the engraved words “Sports for Human Rights”. The founders of this idea are an association of sports enthusiasts that run the German website Netzathleten.de. They “want to set a clear sign for the respect of human rights and free press.”

One can order the little bracelets for 1 € each at their website. Proceeds are donated to Amnesty International. For now, ordering is limited to Europe.

The founders want to avoid being caught in the above rule by aiming their protest not at the situation in Tibet but at the respect of human rights in general, which they say is no less than what China has allowed. The project has been receiving positive media attention, and many German athletes who will compete in Bejing have already joined in. Hopefully, we will see many of the green and blue demonstrations of solidarity and awareness at the Bejing Olympics this summer!

By Jessica Binsch